Getting Real

So, lately I have enjoyed blogging a little more and telling cute stories and updates of my wonderful children, but I have been thinking about mixing it up a little and getting real. This is a very hard thing for me to do, and I am going to take it very slow.

One very important aspect of my life is my faith. I have a hard time posting a lot about my faith for numerous reasons. Mostly I just can't quite get what God is doing in my life into a succinct and meaningful blog post. Plus, there have been a lot of ups and downs this year... and I hate to burden anyone with my massive mess. But God has been teaching me that in order for Him to answer some of my prayers I have to put myself out there and allow others to really know me.

I tend collect my problems and hide them in my little 'turtle shell' so to speak. I try to be so strong and independent, and always put on a good face. The problem is in hiding all my problems from the world I also am attempting to hide them from my all-powerful God. Doesn't make much sense.

Through compounding trials in our lives as of late, I have realized I have no control. There is nothing I can do... besides pray... in any of my situations. I feel more peace at finally coming to this realization then I have in a long while. I HAVE to give it to God... I have no other option. My hands are in the air, I surrender ALL (such a hard thing to do when you are a control freak). This whole attitude has completely transformed my prayer life. I have found myself begging like never before for my merciful God to swoop in and claim victory. Thank you Jesus that the big battle is already won. I take comfort that God is molding me into what He wants me to be. I guess I am typing all this so that others who may be struggling will know you are not alone (and maybe a little for therapy and a little to request prayer). Beneath all the stories of my crazy kids... there are hard times and feelings of defeat. There are times lately David and I have looked at each other and said "oh, no... not again." I don't know if it is over, but I am throwing off my 'shell' and asking my Jesus to rescue me!